Got 99 Problems But Tux Ain’t One

About two years ago, my wife came to me wondering what my thoughts were on us getting a dog. For me, the answer was very easy… No… absolutely not. I’m old school, I’m the “man of the house” (in my mind I believe it’s what I say goes, but we can all daydream!)

What I temporarily forgot, and my wife likes to remind me, is that she actually runs the show and that’s the end of that conversation. You would think after 13 years of marriage, I would have figured out that I have very little say in what happens, but a guy can dream.

Before people jump all over me, I concede that the bravado in my response was a bit unnecessary, but the curtness of my answer was based on what, I think, is a very sound decision-making process… MY KIDS ARE CRAZY. There is no way this dog is going to survive the week, let alone long enough for the pet insurance to kick in. It was shocking to me that I was the only one who could get past the whole “a dog would be cute” thing and had genuine concern for the safety of whatever dog ended up joining our family.

Before I go on, I think it’s critical to give some background on how pets were viewed growing up in my household. When I was younger, my siblings and I wanted a dog. When we moved into our house as young kids, our neighbor had a dog named Fleury… super cute dog. I remember we excitedly asked our dad if we could get a dog, but when your dad gives that “If you ask again, I don’t care if we are in public, you know what’s going to happen” kind of look, you clue in quick and drop the subject. On top of that, coming from a Lebanese family, having pets just wasn’t a thing. Our family and friends would have looked at us like we were nuts, because none of them had pets either. When you think about it, the whole thing was kind of absurd. I would say, conservatively speaking, 90% of my cousins find it normal to light incense in their homes on a weekly basis to “rid the house of evil spirits,” yet the concept of getting a dog is a bit too far of a stretch??? Anyway, my dad’s stance, coupled with the family thing, wasn’t even the worst part… enter my mom.

My mom is genuinely, to this day, traumatized by any animal with four legs. It goes back to when she was younger, and my uncle thought it would be funny to throw a cat on her while she was sleeping. I guess the cat got aggressive and it traumatized her for life. Somehow, this fear morphed into a legit phobia. She’s never going to read this so it’s okay to say, but it is genuinely one of the funniest/saddest things to see her reaction when an animal gets in her space. It’s like when you see someone unexpectedly falling; you want to help, but if you had to be honest with yourself, it’s kinda funny at the same time… but I digress, back to the dog.

So… after emphatically saying no, one week later I was told by my wife “we” were welcoming a dog into our home, and “we” have nothing further to discuss. As I write this, I kind of laugh because there was a lot of “we” deciding to do things that I had no say in. Regardless… we welcomed Tux into our home. His name is Tux… short for Tuxedo. He’s half Cocker Spaniel, half Coton de Tulear (you’re going to have to look that one up). My boys named him Tux because he’s all black with a white stripe running down his stomach… kind of looks like a tuxedo, hence the name.

I made it clear that the kids would be responsible for feeding Tux, filling his dog bowl, and cleaning the yard after he does his business. As for my wife, it’s her dog, so she is on walking duty. I would have the most important job of paying for the pet insurance. After about two weeks, we had a reorganization in job duties… I was advised that I was now in charge of feeding the dog, making sure he had water, cleaning up after him, making sure he gets his daily walks, and paying for the pet insurance.

Again, I never really cared to have a pet and didn’t see the big deal people made about having a dog… but the weirdest thing happened. After spending all this time with him (as a result of my family abandoning their job duties), Tux and I became best buddies. I totally get what all the hype is about now. I can’t look at Tux as just an animal anymore; he’s really part of the family. I would find myself going to the store and making sure he had toys, chewies, and dog treats. I even spent my hard-earned money to buy this dog a sombrero for Cinco de Mayo… yes, a dog wearing a sombrero! Some of these pet stores are like a Cabela’s for animals; it’s hard not to buy stuff when you are in there. I know some of my buddies who don’t have pets are thinking I’ve lost my edge, but they are not part of the converted… yet! One day I hope they get on the bandwagon, because they’re missing out.

It’s funny… as a father of three young boys… I’m constantly negotiating. Negotiating with them on when they need to sleep, when to do homework, why we need to brush our teeth… negotiating all day, every day. Tux, on the other hand, is negotiation-free. It’s the weirdest concept; I call his name… and he just comes. My wife and I have a “4 to 1” call-to-listen ratio. By that, I mean we call out my kids’ names four times before one of them responds… we call Tux once and he just shows up, which is crazy considering he is the only one of them who doesn’t speak English.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and more than anything, my three little boys. My wife and I have a beautiful life and we are very blessed. With that said, at times, things get hectic, and a guy just needs to take a minute to catch his breath. No matter how hectic things get, I always remind myself…

I might have 99 problems, but Tux ain’t one!

Have a great weekend, Robin.